Love can be infectious. And that’s why if you’ve got a loved one I suggest you make sure that he/she is infected with a good dose of VD fun today. And I don’t necessarily mean VD as in rotting dick stinking cunt VD, I’m talking about cheap chocolates, cards with typos, retarded mixed tape, fucking in the back of the car Valentine’s Day (VD). Although I wouldn’t be surprised if the two VDs had some kind of connection initially before time took them in completely opposite directions. There’s a good chance that it was a miscommunication or a misinterpretation that gave an unpleasant incident romantic connotations.
              Hundreds of years ago, on a February 14th, a man was seen unusually perturbed. He wouldn’t eat, he wouldn’t take a shit, and he wouldn’t sleep. But there’s a likelihood that the three things were correlated and had nothing to do with his primary cause of misery. It even looked like he had temporarily quit his job of being a veterinarian. Finally, one of his buddies managed to break through and got him talking. It turned out he had syphilis. That’s why he was disturbed. That’s why he didn’t even go to work. Understandable. If I learned I had syphilis, checking dogs for fleas and sticking my finger up their hairy butts would be the last thing on my list (on second thoughts, even if I didn’t have syphilis that would be the last thing on my to-do list, right after respecting Paris Hilton).
                What worried the man most was that he had infected his new girlfriend, Valentine, as well and she didn’t know about it. She was a very conservative, unadventurous kind of girl who would be devastated if she knew her man had not only been sleeping around but infected her too. Taking his friend’s advice, he bought a box of chocolates, nicked some flowers from the neighbor’s garden, and went to see his girlfriend in order to break the terrible news to her. The girlfriend, surprised on seeing the normally hard-assed guy carrying loads of sweet gifts for her, was clearly over excited.

Girl: You’re so sweet. Chocolates and flowers for me?
Guy: Yes, they are for you. But I…I’ve got something to tell you.
Girl: And it’s dark chocolate as well. And roses. Just the way I like it.
Guy: The thing is I…I’ve got…and I gave you…
Girl: Why, honey? Why have you given me all these gifts?
Guy: VD
Girl: You gave me gifts because it’s VD? What’s VD? Wait…V for Valentine…my name…D for day…Valentine’s Day?
Guy: I think you mis…
Girl: Oh, I love you so much. I know I always said no to it, but I want you to take me up the ass. I want it so much. Just for today.
Guy: I wanted to tell you I had infec…up the ass? Did you say you want it up the ass?
Girl: You meant Valentine’s Day, right? VD.
Guy: Sure, that’s what I meant. Now bend down and spread your cheeks.

               And then the guy went and told all the other men that if there was anything their girlfriend didn’t want to do in bed all they had to do was wait till February 14th, get her some flashy, mushy shit and bam! she would turn into a slut faster than a Hyundai would turn into a Decepticon. Some men, even now, just to keep the tradition alive perform the ritual of passing on a venereal disease to their girlfriends and wives on every February 14th. Certain women, too, are keen on doing their part on this special day.
              So if you have a sore on your mouth, ass, cunt or dick, and it burns when you pee don’t get mad, don’t get paranoid. It just means that somebody out there really loves you.