Two men who have contributed more to the English Language than anybody else are Noam Chomsky and Ferdinand De Saussure. They were both top linguists during their time and known for their aggressive ways of tackling the perils of the language. To the academic world their greatest contributions were the theories that they propounded on the English grammar and language structure. However, there was a side to both these grammarians that very few of their admirers knew about.  Noam Chomsky and Ferdinand De Saussure were also avid curse word experimentalists. And even though Chomsky was born years after Saussure’s death they still remained the best of friends. They belonged to that school of linguists who felt stunted by the limited and redundant curse words that existed in the English language at their time.

                What I’ve managed to achieve is procure the transcript of a curse word experimentation session that transpired between Chomsky and Saussure decades ago. Now, it’s important to note that this is just one of the many transcripts that I’ve acquired after meeting with and talking to many of the closest friends and colleagues of both these celebrated linguists. It’s also important to note that both Chomsky and Saussure were completely hammered out of their heads during all of these curse word experimentations that they did. I present to you now the first document from what is known as the “Chomsky-Saussure Filth Archives”.

FROM THE CHOMSKY-SAUSSURE FILTH ARCHIVES

NC: Pass me another bottle of beer, you sperm-covered tapeworm that’s living inside the anal cavity of a salamander that’s just been sodomized by a giraffe!

FDS: Go get it yourself, you piece of used condom that is lodged in between Karl Marx’s small intestine!

NC: Shut your pus leaking mouth or I’ll go shove a flaming torch up your grandmother’s vagina and then serve you her roasted uterus for dinner with some rye bread!

FDS: Oh please, you have a better chance of cutting a hole in your uncle’s throat and then humping his tonsils until they come out his nostrils!

NC: Just close your placenta puking mouth and pass me a beer before I line up all your seven sisters, bent them over and simultaneously penetrate their assholes with a lit up Jewish candelabrum!

FDS: Talk about my sisters again and I’ll amputate your mother’s boobs and put them on your grandmother’s abdomen so I’ll be eating your grandma’s pussy and drinking your mother’s milk at the same time!

NC: Leave my mother out of this you drop of Mussolini semen that’s stuck to Hitler’s upper palate!

FDS: Then stop asking me to get you beer you single grey hair that’s sticking out of George Washington’s shrunken shaven testicles!

NC: Stop running your mouth or else I’ll get Lacan to join me in gang raping your father in his nose and ears till both his nasal bridge and ear drums are broken!

FDS: Oh yeah, if you do that then I’m going to plug your mother’s ears, nostrils, and eyes with corks, summon Kafka from the dead, and then we’ll urinate into her mouth until our piss comes out through the pores on her head.

NC: Don’t even think of something like that or I’ll stretch your wife’s hole wide enough to stick your head in it and then hold you in until you suffocate to death from the stink.

FDS: Sadly for you that won’t be happening because I’ll seal your asshole, mouth, eyes, ears, and piss hole with wax until you start excreting through your navel. 

NC: Go to hell you environment friendly bubble of infection that’s on a syphilis-afflicted Orangutan’s left ass cheek.

FDS (surprised): Environment friendly bubble? Who are you- Al Gore?

NC (deeply hurt and offended): Hey, man, that was uncalled for. You didn’t need to go there.

FDS (sincerely apologetic for his grave mistake): I’m sorry. Look, I didn’t mean to say that. It just came out wrong. I would never…

NC (still hurt): That was completely over the line.

FDS (embarrassed at himself): I don’t know what I can say that would make it go away. But I truly am sorry. I would never knowingly insult you like that. Here, have my beer.

NC (hesitant in the beginning but then forthcoming): Thanks buddy. I forgive you. 

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