The National Association for the Advancement of Colored People (NAACP) held a melodramatic funeral a couple of days back where they had a silver casket adorned with wreaths inside which was, apparently, laid to rest the “N” word. They had even planned on inviting a priest named Fr. Kramer to give a eulogy at the funeral but later canned the idea when they realized Fr. Kramer was the pseudonym Michael Richards used ever since his comedy career went down the drain. The members of the NAACP wanted to metaphorically announce to the world that no longer would the “N” world haunt them and taunt them like it used to during the period when white people categorized black people as inferior to them, which was actually last week. Since people all over the world were much better at internalizing their prejudices nowadays everyone unanimously applauded the gesture of the burial of the “N” word. Everyone except one furious Nigar…Khan.

                Neither the African American community, the white community, nor even the Asian community knew much about this pugnacious Nigar…Khan until she came on television and opposed the NAACP’s gesture of burying the “N” word. This bad-ass Nigar…Khan, a washed up never-has-been model, claimed that her first name spelled N-i-g-a-r or N-e-g-a-r, she moved out before her parents could clarify the spelling, was pronounced the same way the “N” word was pronounced. She filed a complaint to the NAACP demanding them to dig up the “N” word once again lest she be thrust into anonymity. She said that as of now there were three people who knew who she was and once the “N” word was buried forever she would lose that growing fan base of hers she had built over a span of eight years.

               Irate race-relations specialists from America, also known as race-ins, called up their Indian counterparts and asked them who the hell this crazy Nigar…Khan was. Their Indian counterparts replied that they had seen this annoying Nigar…Khan in a couple of ads and a bunch of topless paparazzi photos but had never expected her to pose such a terrible threat to the racial harmony of the world. The Indian race-relations specialists, again race-ins, said that they had even put this Nigar…Khan in a lame suit commercial with India’s biggest washed up piece of crap, Jackie Shroff, in an attempt to eradicate this Nigar…Khan once and for all. And it seemed to have worked then. Everyone assumed they got rid of this shameless Nigar…Khan once and for all until this NAACP thing happened. The Indian race-ins, however, warned the American race-ins that tact was most necessary in dealing with this Nigar…Khan because she was, by birth, one dangerous Nigar…Khan.

                At first, the NAACP tried to negotiate with the problematic Nigar…Khan. They explained to her that things could be settled very amicably if she agreed to have at least the pronunciation of her first name changed if not her entire first name. They suggested that pronouncing Nigar the same way the second word of River Niger was pronounced would eliminate all confusions and problems. However, the NAACP had underestimated their nemesis; they weren’t just dealing with any person, this was one adamant Nigar…Khan that they had to negotiate with.

               The NAACP suggested to the angry Nigar…Khan that there were other alternatives that she could use in place of her first name. The NAACP said that “African American Khan”, “Black Khan”, “Colored Khan”, or even “Home girl Khan” were more beautiful, and more politically correct, substitutes for her first name. However, this Khan was one pure and proud Nigar. She would have nothing to do with forsaking her culture and heritage. Her ancestors had slaved and toiled out of their skin to make her the Nigar…Khan that she was today. The NAACP expressed their fear that letting one Nigar…Khan be would lead to the spawning of a million more Nigar…Khans. However, this Nigar…Khan guaranteed that that was unlikely to happen since she liked taking it up the ass.  

                Surprisingly, the tenacity of this one Nigar…Khan drove some others to step up against the imminent ban of the “N” word. Comedians like Chris Rock and Dave Chappelle were for the existence of the “N” word in the language because without it their material would be narrowed down to just ripping on Michael Jackson and talking about oral sex. Rappers like Snoop Dogg, 50 Cent, and Ludacris argued that without the “N” word their songs would be just a scattering of “hoes”, “bitches”, “pimps”, and “pussy juice” which they said limited their artistic possibilities. The rappers also complained that the use of the word “colored people” ought to be banned as well since they found it rather offensive. They said it was a phrase that was meant for the Blue Man Group or soccer fans. 

               Finally, the NAACP and the mad Nigar…Khan decided to consult the one person whom they both respected and adored and whose word they would consider final. They agreed to do the logical thing and made arrangements to bring back from the dead none other than Martin Luther King. After a few séances and a couple of Celine Dion tracks the world of the dead was awakened. And it wasn’t soon before MLK answered their call. He heard out both sides and went into a kind of meditation for about ten minutes. Afterwards, he opened his eyes and said, “I had a dream. And it was to see everyone get along.” The NAACP and the quarrelsome Nigar…Khan leaned in to listen more carefully. MLK continued, “But apparently you motherfuckers can’t do that, can you? So eat this.” He then took out his gun and open fired on both the uncompromising NAACP and the stubborn Nigar…Khan killing every single one of them. He blew at the smoke coming out of his gun and said, “I need to get Gandhi one of these.”