For all those disbelieving assholes and cynics of the Hindu religion’s belief of reincarnation, the news of Kalpana Chawla’s rebirth was like a slap in the balls with a hot iron. Only two months after her tragic death up in space where her panties caught on fire and burned down the entire spaceship, Kalpana Chawla was reborn as a lying little bitch in a village in Uttar Pradesh, India. The lying little bitch, now four years old, had apparently exhibited signs of being special as soon as she was born. Doctors who delivered her stated that they had never seen a baby bitch so pissed off at being born an ugly girl in rural India. Scientific studies, which mapped the little baby bitch’s brain activities, showed that she had, in fact, been hoping to be born as the male version of Daniel Radcliffe. However, thanks to her dumb luck she was once again born in India, and that too as a little bitch.

                 According to the lying little bitch’s parents the first hint that they received which showed that their daughter was the reincarnated Kalpana Chawla was when she uttered her first words -“ambipolar diffusion”. The second sign was when the lying little bitch stopped in the middle of her breastfeeding and said to her mother “Get me to NASA, you cunt.” The third piece of evidence that showed that the lying little bitch was the reloaded version of Kalpana Chawla was when the anal swabs taken from her four-year-old rectum showed the presence of semen that matched the semen of the NASA Head Astronaut and the rest of the employees there. The fourth sign was the fact that the lying little bitch’s favorite pastime was playing rocket science with her grandfather’s half erect cock. The fifth and final piece of proof which confirmed that the news about Kalpana Chawla’s return in a new form was more real than people were willing to admit was the fact that the NDTV Managing Editor Barkha Dutt was keen on covering the story.

               Barkha Dutt visited the lying little bitch several times at her home and shared their common disappointment of not having been born a man and told her that in her own inconspicuous ways she did sometimes try and act like a man. The rest of the world, however, disagreed and said that it was as conspicuous as the fact that movie actresses were just prostitutes with scripted lines. The lying little bitch’s parents told Barkha Dutt and the rest of the media including CNN-IBN and Pogo that their daughter pointed at airplanes in the sky and said that they were coming to kill her. They also claimed that their elder daughter was the reincarnation of Britney Spears because she had a habit of pointing at underwear and trembling in fear.

                 The lying little bitch, about two months back named the parents of Kalpana Chawla and called them her own. The lying little bitch, apparently, also talked ceaselessly about how much money and property she had in America and how she wanted them all back. The parents of the lying little bitch stressed the fact that they were illiterate assholes and could not have taught her to say all this. They also mentioned that at no point did they visit a cyber café and google all the details of Kalpana Chawla and force-feed them to their daughter. Their aim now was to somehow arrange a meeting between their lying little bitch of a daughter and the family of Kalpana Chawla in an effort to explore the truth further and also to exploit their emotions and bag some easy dough. Barkha Dutt assured the parents of the lying little bitch that she would do her best to make that scam happen. She then went on to mumble some unintelligible socio-political shit, which no one gave a fuck about anyway.

                The lying little bitch also picked out photographs of Kalpana Chawla from several others and insisted that those were her images. The parents of the lying little bitch insisted that this was not the result of some constant training she was put through for two years and thirty-five days in order to pull off this scam. At last, the story was so ballooned up that President Kalam decided to present the lying little bitch with the bravery award that ought to have gone to the real Kalpana Chawla had she not kicked the space bucket.

                The lying little bitch, her parents, and Barkha Dutt were all on their way to the Rashtrapati Bhavan when suddenly Barkha Dutt became all spastic, began tearing off her clothes, and danced naked in the middle of the road. Eyewitnesses claimed that never had they witnessed a sight so horrific since the Tsunami. All of a sudden Barkha Dutt turned towards the reincarnated Kalpana Chawla and pounced on her. After pinning down the lying little bitch with one hand, Barkha Dutt used the other hand to ram her long, hard, black microphone down the throat of the lying little bitch until she choked to death. Barkha Dutt then fell unconscious on to the ground.

                 Later when she recovered in the hospital she stated that it was not her who had murdered the reincarnated Kalpana Chawla. She was in fact possessed by Hitler who thought that he was putting an end to Daniel Radcliffe who was a Jew.

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