Until about a year back Al Gore was a douche merely to millions of Americans. But, after his documentary on global warming came out he became the public douche of billions of people all over the world. “An Inconvenient Truth” opened the eyes of countless number of selfish human beings who, in their frantic pursuit to make a living, had forgotten all about watching the back of their fellow human beings. It encouraged the struggling middle class people to stop driving their cars for every little errand, like going to work or rushing to the hospital or going to college. It urged people against using air-conditioning in summer or heaters during winter, or for that matter using anything in any season. After the documentary’s thumping success Al Gore and some of his closest super rich white friends celebrated by burning stuff, leaving all the lights on in their penthouses, and driving around in circles in their monster trucks.

                It was about a month ago that Al Gore’s latest project was announced. After waking up the drowsy human souls to the perils of global warming, Al Gore, now, had turned his attention to a new, and equally disconcerting world phenomenon- global farting. The documentary titled “An Inconvenient Stink” would, Gore said, focus on how human beings, in their frantic pursuit to stay alive, ate more than they actually needed to eat causing a gradual increase in their rectal temperatures, which is followed by the emission of various stinky farts. When critics expressed skepticism Al Gore drew up a chart that had the picture of Jennifer Lopez’s ass. He explained that a few years ago JLO’s ass was perfectly full and round and therefore on TV more often. Now, thanks to global farting JLO’s left ass cheek is becoming smaller than her right, the reason why she doesn’t strut it on TV as much as she used to. Gore described this as the gradual depletion of the “ass-zone” layer that would ultimately spell doom for all of humanity.

                He encouraged all women to wear tighter jeans in order to ensure that no part of their ass gets depleted; he advised men all over the world to photograph and post on the internet any female ass that they see on the road in an effort to document evidences of “ass-zone” depletion. He then proved with the help of statistics that a decade ago only two out of every eleven people said that they farted. Now, in 2007, the same poll showed that ten out of eleven people said they farted. There could only be one answer to this: either people were more honest now or global farting was true. The answer was obvious. Al Gore enlisted the different types of farts that human beings usually engaged in like the wet fart, dry fart, squeaky fart, nuclear fart, melody fart, smooth fart, whispering fart, angry fart, atomic fart, rebellious fart, fart with shit, light fart, heavy fart, fart with pee, skunk fart, church fart, carnival fart, elevator fart, conference fart, car fart, family fart, theatre fart, breezy fart, cyclone fart, communicational fart, recreational fart, post coital fart, and emotional fart amongst many others.

               Al Gore revealed that global farting was so far-reaching that even unsuspecting animals had become victims of the phenomenon. He explained that he spent almost a year burying his nose in various animal assholes before he discovered that animals too had been affected. Some of the leading animal farters were cats, horses, crocodiles, elephants, salamanders, pandas, penguins, and unicorns. Al Gore stated that global farting was the third largest producer of hot air next to United Nations and the Bachchans. And if not stopped in time, global farting could become as devastating to normal human beings as those two.

                Al Gore expounded that if global farting were to be stopped only rich white kids ought to be allowed to eat as much as they wanted; he even pondered about the paradoxical existence of poor obese kids. After an impressive three-day lecture on what his new documentary would contain, Al Gore concluded by requesting all human beings to start their crusade against global farting right here right now. He promised them that within the next year or so he would have more concrete tips on how to combat global farting; until then, he had just one tip to give mankind in their battle against global farting- buy DVDs of his documentary and shove it up their asses.

               

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