After the introduction of such fiercely competitive sports like Fetal Suction and Chameleon Clobbering, I thought it would be a welcome change for our potential MOTHO FUCS viewers to get a taste of the lighter, more fun side of their new supreme sports channel. That was exactly the kind of thinking that went into the creation of today’s featured sport- Jedi Pee Fight.

                In spite of the presence of the term Jedi, Jedi Pee Fight is not a sport that is aimed at a bunch of George Lucas groupies- it’s a sport meant for pure athletes; it’s a sport meant for fun lovers; it’s a sport meant for the most agile; and it’s a sport meant for those who like to get themselves involved in urinary brawls. Jedi Pee Fight is also, arguably, the most spirited sport ever since swimming that involves whizzing on other people.

                Before every Jedi Pee Fight the two fighters are each made to drink fifteen liters of a special fluorescent drink prepared by our highly qualified team of totally wasted bartenders. The players are then put inside a room that’s pitch-black and has innumerous cameras (about four) placed at the most innovative angles (up, down, left, and right). The aim of the game is for each player to assault the other with their fluorescent pee by controlling and maneuvering their urine flow and direction, much like how Jedis would battle using their light sabers. The players cannot expect to just lash out at each other brashly with their glowing urine as the winner is judged by the quantity of their piss that’s present on the opponent’s body, so, like the water conservation people says, every drop counts. Motorized bamboo sticks will be given to women who wish to compete in Jedi Pee Fight; the motorized bamboo sticks will add the force that women need to match the advantage men have with their extra reach. The same procedure will be followed in the case of guys with tiny weewees.

                The motive behind having the fighters compete in dark unlit rooms is to ensure that Jedi Pee Fight not only improves their piddle-combat skills but also sharpens the players’ minds. Besides what’s funnier than having two virtually blind guys fighting each other with piss? When broadcast on MOTHO FUCS, the sport is bound to be a visual treat, much like Lord of the Rings, what with all the sparkling lemonade and everything. The sport also requires the participants to be dressed in the traditional Jedi outfit- a pair of white shorts and no face protection. A picture of Albert Einstein will be sewn onto the shorts in an effort to add more sophistication to the sport of Jedi Pee Fight.

                Armed with such high-caliber sports like Fetal Suction, Chameleon Clobbering and Jedi Pee Fight, it’s only a matter of time before channel MOTHO FUCS ousts the rest of the sports channels and attains ultimate supremacy. I’ll be back soon, whenever I feel like it, with updates on the rest of the truly original sports that will feature exclusively on channel MOTHO FUCS. So bid goodbye to the current list of sports that trash our television sets day in and day out and tune in for more news from channel MOTHO FUCS. Until then, may the force be with you…and your bladder.

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