One of the main things that piss me off about our human community’s current roster of sports is the lack of logic involved in each one of them. Their objectives suck, their rules suck, and their sensibilities suck. Thankfully, Channel MOTHO FUCS caters to every sporty need that stems inside you. And with today’s featured sport, Chameleon Clobbering, it’s guaranteed to reach a new high in the world of action sports broadcasting.

                Some of you brainy buggers out there must be assuming that the name Chameleon Clobbering is a metaphor which actually stands for something else. Like how when you hear the word ‘Golf’ for the first time you’d either assume it has something to do with dogs or Saddam Hussein but later you find out it’s way gayer than both. Chameleon Clobbering, on the other hand, is not such a sport; it’s exactly what it sounds like. The purpose of the sport is to clobber chameleons. For those of you who are unfamiliar with chameleons and their lifestyle they are a very difficult thick-skinned bunch to be clobbered and that is where the sense of daring and challenge involved in this astonishing sport comes into play. However, when it’s channel MOTHO FUCS that’s featuring the sport you know that there is more to it than just the excitement and thrill of smashing up chameleons.

                The participants and the healthy chameleons assigned to them are locked up inside claustrophobic multicolored rooms, where it all goes down; each room will be monitored by seven CCTVs of which two will be working. A limited period of time is given to each competitor to get inside the room, seek out his chameleon, and then smash the shit out of it. The admissible sporting equipments for Chameleon Clobbering are hammers, jackhammers, sledgehammers, club hammers, claw hammers, nail hammers, and mallets. Each contestant will be allowed ten swings using the hammer of their choice.Winners would be decided on the basis of the internal injuries suffered by the clobbered chameleons (total annihilation of the chameleon’s kidneys automatically earns the player two bonus points). Paramedics will naturally be waiting on the spot to appraise the magnitude of the internal injuries suffered by the chameleons and subsequently help determine the winner. More the mess, merrier the score. Hardware men, too, will be present on the spot to administer tourniquets to hammers that might end up having severe blood loss.

                 Certain players march into the game of Chameleon Clobbering cockily assuming that they can just clobber chameleons using their natural skills. Contrarily, it’s a game that needs a lot of practice and perseverance. So, as the founder of channel MOTHO FUCS I’d advise all of you CC aspirants to constantly practice the game at home using chameleon substitutes like your puppies or kittens or birds and stuff. Of course, smashing live puppies is a lot less intense than clobbering chameleons but it’s a good starting place.

                 And I know this sport might cast some doubt in the minds of some of you hypersensitive fools out there. I would like to assure you that only real animals would be hurt in the sport of Chameleon Clobbering; no dolls, soft toys, or action figures are damaged. So there, relax.