A lot of people run their mouths more than they need to; they talk about how unsafe the world is and how we should all hold our hands-like a bunch of emos-and make the world more harmonious so that our future generations can have really convenient lives. Well, I say screw those ungrateful nostril-shitters who are unsatisfied with the world. I love the world as it is- great violence, highly talented mass murderers, higher rate of monetary greed than ever, non-existent family values, marvelous incidents of racial hate, super cool wars over reasons sillier than a fart, self-centered celebrities thrusting their ugly faces on television every single minute, capitalistic hypnotism of middleclass people, and religious fervor manifesting into terrorism at its highest. That said, I do have one problem with our world- the painfully boring sports that are prevalent in our world today and the equally gay sports channels that broadcast them.

                How much longer is one supposed to sit back and let travesties like soccer, cricket, baseball, football, hockey, wrestling, tennis, and basketball numb our minds into tiny pieces of rat droppings? Even the extreme sports that exist today aren’t extreme enough anymore; they’re nothing but lesbian crap thrown at us to waste our precious time. That’s why I’ve put my foot down and chalked up a plan to create a brand new sports channel, which would broadcast original sports the likes of which have never been seen before; a sports channel that despite its predominantly masculine tone is suitable for children and adults alike, one that would bring back the excitement and thrill that our ancestors intended to bring when they initially instituted the concept of sports. I shall name the channel MOTHO FUCS- Marvelously Original Televised Host Of Future Centered Sports.

                You can never underestimate the power of sports and its ability to bring people together. Guys get a lot of flack from women for dedicating too much time to sports. Well, MOTHO FUCS has the perfect solution to that sort of shitty problems with their family-oriented sport called Fetal Suction. Now, I know some of you judgmental folks out there would be frowning already hearing the name, mistakenly assuming that Fetal Suction is some insensitive sport where a fetus is made to suck something. The sport of Fetal Suction is, in reality, a well thought out future centered sport that involves the usage of a super-powered suction device- anything ranging from vacuum cleaners to handheld battery-operated dust busters- to suck out the fetus from the uterus of its mother. The object of the sport is obviously to find which team can suck out the fetus the fastest with the least amount of damage done to the suction device and if possible the fetus too. Each team consists of two members- the sucker and the suckee. The person whose sperm led to the formation of the fetus is the sucker who is also the team member in possession of the suction device; and the uterus owner is called the suckee, which almost always turns out to be the woman. Not only is Fetal Suction a sport that breaks down the barriers of sexual discrimination by letting both men and women participate at the same time but it is also the only sport that enables men to actually understand what fresh placenta feels like. One key thing to note is that during the game if more than one team attains the best time, the suction device is made to operate in reverse shooting the fetus right back into the uterus. And afterwards, the fetuses are sucked out again in the ultimate tiebreaker round. Thus, the first sport featured on the MOTHO FUCS channel will definitely enrich the world of sports by allowing people to suck fetuses out of uteruses using vacuum cleaners.

TUNE IN TOMORROW TO SEE THE NEXT SPORT FEATURED ON MOTHA FUCS…

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