Up until a few years ago some of the stock phrases that were thrown around during Parent Teacher Conferences were: Your son really needs to improve on his math” or He has been performing consistently in all the science subjects” or With a bit more hard work he can be up amongst the best of them” or He should be advised to located his weak spots first and then work on it”. But things have changed ever since high school teachers decided to move away from the prescribed syllabuses and bring in some extracurricular activities. And now, at PTA meetings, parents get a lot more in depth feedback than they’d like from their children’s mentors: Your son really needs to improve on his foreplayor With a bit more work he can be as hard as the best of themor He should be advised to locate my G-spot first and then jerk on it.”

                 The closest I ever got to having sex with a teacher when I was in high school was when my Geography teacher flunked me for an exam and for some reason the wrongly marked map of Africa attached to my answer sheet gave me a stiffy. But since I was too young to know what an erection was I just went to the library and kept trying to balance my pocket dictionary on my boner. I know what you are thinking and I completely agree with you; I was crazy to carry a pocket dictionary around with me.

                 Even when we had the occasional hot teacher our lust for her was of an impalpable nature. It was like the second coming of Christ¾we talked about it, we thought about it, some of us even fantasized about it in our sleep but we all knew it was never going to happen. And I believe there was a similar unspoken understanding from the hot teachers as well. It was like the US Dept. of Defense’s stand on UFOs and aliens. They knew they had it, they knew we wanted it, but we all knew it was never going to happen.

                However, the unspoken pact has been breached. The unfortunate thing¾for the horny students at least¾is that it’s not the hot teachers who have breached the pact. More often than not it’s the teachers who look like the first noodle of shit that comes out a bulldog’s ass after its one-week stretch of constipation who break the pact and lure the misdirected underage penises and guide them into their bat-infested cavernous skin grottos. And, horny kids, let’s face it, if that train wreck is so desperate for a shag that she has to solicit you¾the guy who can’t even spell intercourse, when the world is full of horny adult guys ready to screw even a tree¾then it’s guaranteed that she has something sick brewing down there in that bat cave of hers.

                 It’s a tricky situation if one looks to reprimand the kids who end up having sex with their teachers because all the teacher-banging kids, when caught, would say that they were naïve, vulnerable, and didn’t know what they were doing. I’m sure there would be a bunch of little punters who mean it but the rest, who know perfectly well what they are doing, will be clever enough to categorize themselves under the group of the naïve punters. It’s like trying your girlfriend’s panties on and getting caught red handed. Some do it out of curiosity, the rest do it because they are sickos but they all say that it was an accident.

                When the math teacher from South Carolina, who was recently sentenced to ten years in prison for having sex with her 11 yr old black student, was interrogated about why she made hot monkey love to her student she blamed men and Mathematics. She disparaged the outdated educational system that was designed by men to objectify women by using subliminal sex terms in Mathematics. She went on to explain that it is hard for a woman like her to not have sexual feelings towards her students when she’s teaching them how to insert a rhombus into a hemisphere or to calculate how long the hypotenuse is or how to unhook an Algebra. Before going to prison, she screamed at the people around her to open their eyes and realize that this epidemic could only be stopped if Math was stopped; Math had to be banned. Amen to that, ma’am.

                People force-feed us the notion that without proper schooling one can never be complete in life. Maybe so, I don’t really know. All I want to say if you’re thinking of ever going back to school keep in mind the supreme golden rule: make sure you carry enough condoms.

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