It almost matched, in its historic significance and intensity, the confrontation scene between Leonidas and Xerxes except in this case both the parties looked super gay. The news about King Bill and King Jobs sharing the battlefield after such a long gap created murmurs of such epic proportions that there was even talk about demoting the position of Christmas to the second place and declaring the BJ day as the single most important and celebrated day in the whole world. On hearing the rumors even Jesus said in exasperation, “Christ! I wasn’t kidding when I said the geeks shall inherit the earth, was I? I mean, damn!”

                 People thronged up in millions to see the two legends sharing the same stage. Most of them had received emails from both Microsoft and Apple, which had promised them free bytes. However, the spokespersons for both the companies clarified that they had done no such thing and it was all the work of frustrated spammers. They, however, mentioned that they appreciated the people showing up and added that if they left before the meeting got over all their motherboards would be destroyed. And after guaranteeing an audience the two stalwarts made their entrance.

                On the chair that was shaped like an arrangement of windows, weighing in at 97 lbs, sporting a one million dollar shirt that still looked like crap was King Bill. On a blow up couch in the form of an apple, weighing in at 114 lbs, wearing a look of imminent bathroom visit, was King Jobs. For about an hour, both the Kings exchanged the memories of their times together and how each was an inevitable part to the rise of the other. After some more minutes of kissing each other’s Recycle Bins they moved on to reveal to the world the new weapons that would be coming out from their respective artilleries.

                Microsoft announced that they were coming up with a new updated version of XBOX 360, which wouldn’t blow up if used for more than two hours. They also mentioned that current XBOX 360 users would not be able to enjoy all the super cool luxuries that the new XBOX 360 updated version users would have, like not dying in an explosion caused by the console. Apple matched Microsoft’s bombshell by announcing their brand new state of the art phone called the “uPhone”. It would be very similar to their previous product, the iPhone, but it would cost much much more. King Jobs personally explained the difference between the iPhone and the uPhone:

King Jobs: With iPhone I’ll have to take the trouble of taking the money from you. But with uPhone you’ll be sucked into giving me the money yourself.                        

                 It wasn’t all business that transpired between the two kings. There were several moments of pure natural humor that shone through during the fluent conversation that took place between the two. Here’s a transcript of one such hilarious piece of conversation that took place between King Bill and King Jobs.

King Bill: <li style=”border-bottom: 1px solid #ececec;”><b>IE5+:</b> IE 5 and above</li> <li style=”border-bottom: 1px solid #ececec;”><b>Opr7+:</b> Opera 7 and above.</li> <div id=”scriptheader”><span class=”compatlist”>FF1+ IE5+ Opr7+</span>. 

                Hearing this comment made by King Bill, King Jobs retorted with a quick and witty comeback. 

King Jobs: <div class=”virtualpage4″> <img src=”castle.gif” /> <img src=”” /> <a href=”#” rel=”previous”>Prev</a> <span class=”flatview”></span> <a href=”#”.

                 Whatever was expected of the event was happening as expected until the unexpected happened at the expected moment unexpectedly surpassing all expectations. In the middle of a conversation King Bill’s eyes began glowing and subsequently turned orange. Making strange robotic noises, he began to twirl in circles. Then suddenly, with one swift movement of his arm, he ripped of his Velcro pants to reveal a blinking microchip in his abdominal area (a really really micro chip). He then turned around and bent over displaying his posterior to his rival who was too stunned to move. As millions watched, something brown, something smelly, something pasty slid out of his orifice¾it was the Microsoft Zune mp3 player. The Zune crawled out his ass and shot straight ahead to hit King Jobs in his nuts with the precision of a homing missile. King Jobs dropped dead instantly as the world realized that it wasn’t King Bill whom they were looking at but a robotic duplicate sent to destroy King Jobs. As the fake King Bill stood tall in his glory his eyes fell on the dead king’s pants; there was movement inside. At first the robot mistook it for a posthumous boner, but by the time he realized the truth it was a bit too late. Two apple shaped metallic balls rolled out of the dead king’s pants and began going berserk around the fake King Bill. Suddenly a mechanical voice came from the corpse of King Jobs which said, “These testicles will self-destruct in 5…4…3…2…1”. A loud explosion followed, engulfing and completely melting the robot King Bill in the testicle flame of the robot King Jobs.

                 The millions of everyday computer users stared speechlessly at the carnage that was laid out before them. After about four more minutes of staring they all went back to their PCs and Macs to download porn and play pinball.