I love how smart people are. When we wanted heat and light, we invented fire. When we wanted to bullshit about life, we produced philosophy. When we wanted to get around, we invented the car. When we wanted to torture kids, we created math. And when a man, named Mark McGowan wanted to protest against animal cruelty, he cooked a dog and ate it with apples and onions. Like I said, I love how smart people are.

                 A few days back Prince Philip of Britain killed a fox during one of his hunting trips which set off the code purple alarm at the NOBODY-GIVES-A-SHIT-ABOUT-ME-SO-I’LL-JUST-PRETEND-TO-LOVE-ANIMALS ASSOCIATION Headquarters in the meat section of Wal-Mart in North Yemen. Since they realized that traditional methods of protest like holding signs, shouting slogans, and mooning people weren’t effective anymore when dealing with such seasoned animal offenders like the Royal Family, they heeded to the suggestion made by one of their veteran activists, Mark McGowan. He explained that a few months ago when somebody killed a duck, he used a similar way of protesting and ate a swan. And since then, statistics have shown that most of the people who used to eat ducks have also begun eating swans.

                The world watched in shock as Mark McGowan sliced the dog meat into smaller chunks, bit the flesh off neatly, spat out the bones, and downed the meal with a glass of mongoose spunk. The hunters who were watching this sickening sight, from all across the world, thought in unison, “I never realized what I was doing. I went hunting with my dogs to kill foxes and rabbits thinking that it was a good thing that I was doing. I can’t believe I didn’t realize I should have just shot those bloody dogs as well.”

                The show of protest didn’t mark a new milestone for animal lovers alone; it paved a new route of expression for people all over the world who have been biting down their feelings about the injustice happening globally to those who can’t speak up for themselves.

                 As a show of protest against the rising number of pedophilic Catholic Priests, thousands of creepy old men from all across the world molested their nephews. Millions of parents expressed their views against drug use amongst teens by shooting up sizeable amounts of the good stuff. Billions of sensitive men, concerned with the oppressed state of the opposite sex, protested against the victimization of women by visiting brothels and forcing random women to play their skin flutes.

                 Some celebrities also took the opportunity to clear up certain misunderstandings that have been associated with them.

R. Kelly: I peed on the underage girl only to show the world that it was wrong to…well…pee on underage girls.

O.J Simpson: I wanted to protest against the shocking instances of domestic violence that is ruining our great country.

George Bush: I’m deploying more troops to Iraq to teach them that killing innocent people is wrong and that a human life is to be valued above everything else.

Bill Clinton: Marriage is a beautiful thing. You shouldn’t dishonor it.

Elton John: I engage in gay sex to show the world that it’s sinful and ungodly…Oh, heck! Who am I kidding? I love getting a good fudge pack.

                So, what are we waiting for? Let’s get out there and fight for our causes. Let’s kill, rape, plunder, torture, sodomize, steal, and raise hell. Let’s make the world a better place to live in.

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