Here’s the link to my article “I believe I can’t fly” which appeared in the TOI, National Edition, on November 17th, 2009
SMS B for Honey Wednesday, Oct 28 2009
Uncategorized aniche, bees, cellphones, comedy, honeybee extinction, honeybees, humor, mobile, mobile phone, times of india 10:55 am
Here’s the link to my article “SMS B for Honey” which appeared in the Times of India, on October 28, 2009.
Add me on Twitter Friday, Oct 2 2009
Uncategorized 6:40 pm
Hey everyone, I just joined twitter. http://twitter.com/anicheaniche Follow me and read my daily thoughts on various shit. Thanks.
Parental Advisory Friday, Oct 2 2009
Uncategorized humor, aniche, funny, Rakhi Sawant, times of india, pati patni aur woh, rakhi sawant baby, reality show, TOI, baby borrowers 1:07 pm
This is the link to my article “Parental Advisory” which appeared in the Times of India, National Edition on October 2, 2009:
http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/opinion/edit-page/Such-A-Shocker/articleshow/5078056.cms
Hate Aaj Kal Wednesday, Aug 12 2009
Uncategorized 11:29 am
This is the link to my article “Hate Aaj Kal” which appeared in the Times of India, National Edition on August 11, 2009.
http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/opinion/edit-page/Border-Talks-Hate-Aaj-Kal/articleshow/4878153.cms
Comedi-a Monday, Aug 10 2009
Uncategorized 10:49 am
(Warning: This article contains mild language, absolutely no cuss words and may offend most of my usual readers)
The last time I saw some good quality violence was when I watched Mel Gibson’s Apocalypto on DVD. Little did I expect to experience a similar jolt whilst flipping through the Mid-Day newspaper on July 28, 2009. Accompanying the news of a husband and wife in Noida who was found hanging from an electric pole and a tree respectively, was a painstakingly clicked photograph of the dangling lifeless bodies. And underneath this rather graphic photograph was a line that may easily have been penned by the comedic hand of Groucho Marx or Woody Allen. The caption read “Till death do us part”. At that point a phrase that I was taught in school but which I never thought I’d use came to my mind-Cognitive Dissonance. I didn’t know whether to recoil in shock on seeing such an explicit image in a national newspaper that even children have access to or applaud the incongruous humor that the reporter engaged in.
A few weeks ago when I read a news report, in another newspaper, regarding a plane crash I was surprised to notice the amusing use of language. The report said that the plane had been carrying a wedding party and the celebrations came to an “early crashing halt”. Now, I love puns as much as the next guy; you could even say I’m a pun-loving guy but it did baffle me slightly when I noticed it in a news paper that was reporting a plane crash. After living in India, the one lesson that we should all have learned by now is that the media can do whatever it wants whenever it wants to whoever it wants. And the public will take it all in without any resistance. No one is slightly concerned if while a news channel is covering a terror-attack the background music is purposely sinister and eerie; we overlook the fact that the man one channel denounces as a villain is lauded as a hero by another channel; we are least shaken when in the midst of a national emergency or tragedy the one thing every news channel emphasizes is that “you saw it first on our channel”.
However, the proliferation of pun-based humor while reporting harrowing stories is a new and interesting phenomenon. It’s only a matter of time before some news network, while reporting a terrible bomb explosion, proclaims “The victims had a total blast”.
(Link to the Mid-Day article: http://www.mid-day.com/news/2009/jul/280709-Noida-Sector-14-married-couple-hung-electric-pole-Delhi-alleged-suicide-shocked-people.htm )
Anything but the Truth Friday, Jul 24 2009
Uncategorized 2:12 pm
This is the link to my article “Anything but the truth” that appeared in the Times of India, National Edition on July 21, 2009.
No Country for Women Tuesday, Jul 14 2009
Uncategorized 6:49 pm
This is a link to my article “No Country for Women” which appeared in the Times of India, National Edition on June 17, 2009
Spare the Girl Tuesday, Jul 14 2009
Uncategorized 6:46 pm
This is a link to my article “Spare the girl” which appeared in the Times of India, National Edition on April 20, 2009.
http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/Opinion/Editorial/CRIME-PUNISHMENT-Spare-The-Girl/articleshow/4420716.cms
McLamas Sunday, Jun 7 2009
Uncategorized aniche, buddha, buddhism, comedy, Dalai Lama, funny, humor, india, KFC, McDonald's, Mclama, mclamas, nirula's, Pizza Hut, pope, Rakhi Sawant, religion, Sonam Kapoor 5:16 am
In a country like India, you can’t throw a female baby out of the window without hitting something bizarre. Swamis who assist childless couples by applying holy paste from their flesh tubes inside the vaginas of the unfortunate wives married to pin-prick husbands; spiritual gurus who advise fathers to shovel the shit of their daughters’ asses with their dicks to bring good luck to the family; auto-rickshaw drivers who have pictures of hot bitches in the backseats of their vehicles but drive with their male buddies seated right next to them, their thighs intertwined; political leaders who get offended by paintings and books but whose consciences are cleansed when their barbaric cronies slash a pregnant woman’s belly and stomp on her fetus; men, a majority of them from Chennai, who think fat hoes and their flabby hips are as sensual and tender as Sonam Kapoor’s nipples; and people who believe that-in a world where humans kill each other over who gets the remote or whose Holy Text has more imaginative stories-praying thirty times a day and embellishing your room with faggy pictures of Providence which would look more at home in a Harry Potter book would get them to heaven. And in such a nation that’s crawling with assorted sights of strangeness it takes a major effort to stand out and be the king of weirdness. And I’m terrified to announce that we have a new king.
Now, I’m not sure if what I’m about to state has come to the notice of anyone else who lives in India. Although unless you are blind or wear shades straight from Bappi Lahiri’s collection, you are bound to have encountered this, quite frankly, dumbfounding aberration. I refer to the inexplicable abundance of Tibetan monks inside places like KFC, McDonald’s, Pizza Hut and extravagant malls. The first twenty five times I experienced it I assumed it was the effect of the hallucinogenic pancakes I have for breakfast but once I realized I wasn’t the only one who was seeing these robe-clad specters-these Dalai Lama spinoffs- I knew that Apocalypse was here. Fuck you if I’m wrong but I was under the impression that these Dalai Lamas were more of the “meditate, eat leaves, shit once every two weeks, stay inside the temple” kind. And I thought nirvana was the only fucking thing on their minds. I wasn’t aware that enlightenment could be attained by gobbling down Colonel’s chicken or wolfing down McGrills by the dozen. I have even seen these Lamas lurking around inside malls feverishly text messaging fuck-knows-who, probably their fellow monks letting them know that they just clocked a hot bitch who would make Buddha’s halo get bigger. I don’t even know where these Lamas pop out of. Do they sit inside their fucking monastery praying for salvation when suddenly hunger strikes and one Lama says to the other Lama “Hey, McDonald’s ya?” And the other Lama says, “Ya, ya. Big Clown, funny, burger good”. And if at all they want to hang around in malls, why in the name of fuck do they want to loiter wearing their ridiculous clown outfits? I mean they make Ronald McDonald the fucking clown look like a fucking corporate executive. And if you have a uniform and you’re adamant that you will only walk around in that specific uniform, which happens to be sleeveless, don’t fucking flail your arms around. I don’t care if you have exclusive access to the 39th chamber of Shaolin, don’t fucking show your hairy underarms to unsuspecting passers-by.
On the other hand these chicken-crunching text-messaging semi-urbane Lamas might be the new breed of monks that a religion like Buddhism needs. Buddhism has often been dismissed as being too, what’s the word, pussy. The very story that Buddha attained nirvana by merely sitting under a tree is a little boring. Sure, the subplot of the little raccoon that was trapped under his robe is rarely mentioned but monks are, by and large, considered a little erratic. A few decades ago, if a Lama was upset he would tell the other Lama, “I upset. What do?” And the other Lama would counsel, “Set fire to yourself.” Meanwhile, this new breed of Lamas, the McLamas, who despite their obsession with exposing their fluffy armpits, are bound to react in a different manner. If one of these McLamas tell the other, “I upset. What do? Set fire to myself?” the other McLama is likely to say “Fuck that. We eat fried chicken and check out bitches. Ya?” eliciting a “Ya, ya” from the first McLama.
If you think about it the lifecycles of all the bizarre things in the past have proved that if they stick around long enough they become part of our lives, like cows and donkeys shitting all over the streets in North India, fat cunts ruling the South Indian porn industry, and Rakhi Sawant . Similarly, these McLamas, if they rise in number, and make their presence felt long enough and strong enough they are bound to blend into our daily environment like terrorism or a third nipple. Nevertheless, this phenomenon of McLamas is the strangest experience I have had from a religiously inclined group of people. Unless I see the Pope deepthroating a hotdog inside Nirula’s.
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